Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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