so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
