I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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