I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
