I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
