Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Mom said you looked used
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
