I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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