She said her name was "party"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
