I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
