today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
