Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
