The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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