Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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