I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize