So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
This can only be settled by a dance off.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
