Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize