Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
