Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
