Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
being pregnant is like rehab
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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