he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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