my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
