You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
