I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
