better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
