in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize