I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize