I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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