Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
