I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
