Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
