Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
