I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize