dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
