I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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