Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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