i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
