the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize