I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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