I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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