I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
