I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
