we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize