wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
