and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
