singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
