I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize