an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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