Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
