arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
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