They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
