Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
