Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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