I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
