So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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