I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
wow bdsm is so cute
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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