she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize