He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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