you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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