By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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