HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
