i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think my moral compass just broke
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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