I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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