why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
