New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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