How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
