Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
