He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
