OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just high enough for therapy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
