I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
