hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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