yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
