At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
