in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All the doctor said was why
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize