i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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