She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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