So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
