I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
