The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize