I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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