she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drunk is a universal language darling
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
