She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
