After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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