Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
