What did we do last night that was yellow?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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