Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
