What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
