yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize