so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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