I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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