Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
