Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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