Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
