I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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