I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
