Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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