She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
