Have you finally orgasmed yet?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
