Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize