I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
