you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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