I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
