i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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