Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
