You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
