just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
