he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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