that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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