my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
