I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
