The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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